After months of research and development, global crypto exchanges finally revealed a new magical weapon in their spellbook with the successful casting of the “Initial Exchange Offering” (IEO) spell earlier this year.
Mages from the various exchanges and crypto launchpads caused a highly potent global FOMO effect to take hold on cryptocurrency investors, with analysts now expecting the incantation to last for at least 20 more weeks. Head of Crypto Magickery at Acme Exchange, Lightning “SegWit” Wraithlanda, thought to be the first to mutter the correct words correctly, refused to take credit for the latest buzzword in crypto. She said that the idea of an ICO launched by trusted entities was not new:
“IEOs are really just ICOs, except, as the name suggests, it’s a magical offering spell cast via an exchange. Everyone trusts us exchanges, you see, so if we say BitTorrent‘s the shizzle, it becomes the shizzle. Of course, getting the spell right was the key all along.”
A basic offering spell, when cast, results in the creation of digital tokens, wealth and Lambos out of thin air. If successful, it also results in a FOMO effect that convinces its victims to part with recognized cryptocurrencies such as Bitcoin, in exchange for some new magic tokens. The ICO was the most popular enchantment learned by crypto wizards and enjoyed great success for many years.
Since late 2017, however, resistance and, in some cases, complete immunity, from ICOs meant that spellcasters had to keep researching new charms. This, along with efforts by governments around the world to stamp out the use of occult money and arcane finance, forced exchanges to recruit students of the mystic arts and fund their research.
Security token offerings (STOs) and IEOs are the latest results of such research into the dark arts of crypto magick but detractors say that these new spells come at a steep price to the environment.
“It used to be eye of newt, an infant’s tear, and a white paper, and you could put together a decent ICO. But these new IEOs also require dragonscale, cod’s breath and smart contract audits just to get off the ground. It’s a serious threat of extinction for dragons and cods alike, not to mention the effect on Fiverr Solidity programmers,” remarked a crypto investor, who shall not be named.
CEOs of exchanges have so far declined to comment on the continued use of offering spells by their exchanges, but many have made subtle references to an obscure prophecy that believes the second coming of Satoshi will only be brought on when the institutional investors have entered “full FOMO mode”.
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